Respect.

Respect. Do you have it? Until recently I hadn't realized what I was missing from my friends and family. Why every time we talked about me and my life, I would get this feeling that put a hole in my stomach and, it seemed, judgement in their faces. I thought it was because I wasn't appreciated. But, I have plenty of people who appreciate me. I can think of one person in particular that doesn't seem to appreciate me when I know for a fact that they do. The point is, I wasn't missing appreciation. I was missing respect. When I figured it out, the hole only got deeper.

To my own personal surprise, I wasn't angry or upset when I found out. In fact, it made me think of all the times growing up when my dad would say that we didn't respect him. That the things we sometimes did or said was disrespectful. To be completely forthright, I grew up despising the word respect. To me it had lost its true meaning and had become a word to avoid. I felt like it was being demanded of me and if you knew me at all, you would understand that I don't like to be bossed around.

You can't demand respect, and I knew this. So, when I had people telling me that I should respect someone I always asked the ultimate question,'Why should I?' In all  honesty, they probably did deserve respect, but, I was too stubborn and the very thought of the word was so ill-conceived in my mind that I refused to give it to them. I would hold a sort of grudge against the person who demanded my respect. It would almost seem as though it would run out, so I had to be very frugal with all that I had. Yes, I knew the meaning of the word and I knew how it felt to respect someone, but it was a rare event, indeed when I did accept the happening.

Finally, I got older and realized that respect wasn't something to spend but something to give. Especially to people who earned it. I realized, also, that I had people who did respect me for certain things that I'd achieved, but I didn't have it where it really counts. Or, at least from the one person that I really needed it from. Myself.

In my eyes I haven't really done anything to gain respect. I don't deserve it. And, I guess  if that was the case, I needed to try harder, so that I could earn it. But, it didn't help that I had people reminding me of why I shouldn't respect myself. They didn't know that's what they were doing, and I'm sure if they did, they may not have said anything. But, it's a good thing that they did. It makes me try to achieve my goals more efficiently. It doesn't matter how much respect you have from other people, if you don't have any saved back from yourself, you're going to have that hole in your stomach until you figure out a way to get it. Believe it or not, but you have a bar set for yourself. If you don't reach that bar, you may have that hole in your stomach for a while. The best thing you can do, is try your best to do something you can be proud of. For me, it's this.

Can You Handle the Truth?

You think you know what someone's opinion about you is until you hear them talk about you behind your back, or find out what they said from someone else. Some of it could be good and some could be bad.

For instance, you could have a family member that teases you and puts you down all the time for fun and then find out that, really, they think you're smart and actually like your company. You may have a friend that you're pretty fond of hanging out with and find out later that they think you're self absorbed and negative. It may even just be a friendly acquaintance and you find out that they think you're a great influence on people or that they think you're just a little weird.

What do you do with your new information? Do you confront the person and tell them that you know the truth? Or do you even care? If you don't care, the best decision would be to leave it alone. I guess it all depends on the situation...

Let's say you do care. If the truth is positive, if it makes you feel better about yourself, are you nicer to that person? But, let's talk about the latter... What if the truth is negative? Do you try to avoid that person, become their friend, or do you try to improve their view of you by changing a little? I don't think there's a right way to handle the situation, but there, sure as seasons, is a wrong way.

It's probably never a good idea to overreact to the situation. Confronting them with all kinds of accusations and I-found-out-what-you-said's is a sure way to get a negative reaction out of them. They had no idea you would find out that they said those things about you, it may be good to give them a chance to defend themselves. And, it may not be fair of them to seemingly judge your character with no foreseen consequence, but who are you to do the same to them? By overreacting aren't you slightly judging their character by what they said?

If you really want to address the situation, maybe calmly approaching the person and asking them why they said it would be best. There might be a chance you'll get a more positive response.. Maybe he/she was having a bad day and wanted to complain about someone and you just happened to come up in conversation, it could happen that they saw something they didn't quite understand, or had a bad impression of you and didn't know your true character. Hearing the person out could really help clear things up for both of you and give them a chance to apologize and maybe you can become better friends. This conversation might even lead to you defending yourself and saying things that need to be said to persuade this person that their view may have been flawed. It could also give you the opportunity take some friendly criticism on how to better handle a certain situation.

Then again, maybe the person just doesn't like you... Hey, not everyone can get along.

Image courtesy of  inanotherlifetime.wordpress.com/

Ramblings of a Grammar Nazi.

Isn't it interesting how illiterate people can be? You don't have to be a "Grammar Nazi" to appreciate a well written sentence. I'm always seeing comments on thoughtless posts on facebook about how irritating it is when the OP doesn't use proper grammar. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who gets a metaphorical brain aneurysm each time I see someone using the word 'sense' in place of the word 'since' or 'your' instead of 'you're'. And, boy, does it get under my skin a little when I see a paragraph with no capitalization, punctuation or correct spelling. Don't even get me started on people who say words incorrectly.

I'm always correcting people. I know I shouldn't, since there are points in my life when I, myself, need to be corrected. Though, I can't seem to help it. There are times when I have to breath through the urge to correct someone and just let it go.

It feels like watching a wounded bird walk away. You want to go to it, patch it up the best you can and send it on it's way to heal. But, that's never the case is it? Once you send it away, it's not grateful for the help at all. The dumb bird scratches off the bandages you, so carefully, placed upon the wound and goes on living it's life broken, bleeding, and stupid.You can only hope that there's someone else willing to help the poor bird better than you did.

I guess that would be a bit of an extreme metaphor, but you understand what I'm saying -at least I hope you do. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.