Respect.

Respect. Do you have it? Until recently I hadn't realized what I was missing from my friends and family. Why every time we talked about me and my life, I would get this feeling that put a hole in my stomach and, it seemed, judgement in their faces. I thought it was because I wasn't appreciated. But, I have plenty of people who appreciate me. I can think of one person in particular that doesn't seem to appreciate me when I know for a fact that they do. The point is, I wasn't missing appreciation. I was missing respect. When I figured it out, the hole only got deeper.

To my own personal surprise, I wasn't angry or upset when I found out. In fact, it made me think of all the times growing up when my dad would say that we didn't respect him. That the things we sometimes did or said was disrespectful. To be completely forthright, I grew up despising the word respect. To me it had lost its true meaning and had become a word to avoid. I felt like it was being demanded of me and if you knew me at all, you would understand that I don't like to be bossed around.

You can't demand respect, and I knew this. So, when I had people telling me that I should respect someone I always asked the ultimate question,'Why should I?' In all  honesty, they probably did deserve respect, but, I was too stubborn and the very thought of the word was so ill-conceived in my mind that I refused to give it to them. I would hold a sort of grudge against the person who demanded my respect. It would almost seem as though it would run out, so I had to be very frugal with all that I had. Yes, I knew the meaning of the word and I knew how it felt to respect someone, but it was a rare event, indeed when I did accept the happening.

Finally, I got older and realized that respect wasn't something to spend but something to give. Especially to people who earned it. I realized, also, that I had people who did respect me for certain things that I'd achieved, but I didn't have it where it really counts. Or, at least from the one person that I really needed it from. Myself.

In my eyes I haven't really done anything to gain respect. I don't deserve it. And, I guess  if that was the case, I needed to try harder, so that I could earn it. But, it didn't help that I had people reminding me of why I shouldn't respect myself. They didn't know that's what they were doing, and I'm sure if they did, they may not have said anything. But, it's a good thing that they did. It makes me try to achieve my goals more efficiently. It doesn't matter how much respect you have from other people, if you don't have any saved back from yourself, you're going to have that hole in your stomach until you figure out a way to get it. Believe it or not, but you have a bar set for yourself. If you don't reach that bar, you may have that hole in your stomach for a while. The best thing you can do, is try your best to do something you can be proud of. For me, it's this.

Can You Handle the Truth?

You think you know what someone's opinion about you is until you hear them talk about you behind your back, or find out what they said from someone else. Some of it could be good and some could be bad.

For instance, you could have a family member that teases you and puts you down all the time for fun and then find out that, really, they think you're smart and actually like your company. You may have a friend that you're pretty fond of hanging out with and find out later that they think you're self absorbed and negative. It may even just be a friendly acquaintance and you find out that they think you're a great influence on people or that they think you're just a little weird.

What do you do with your new information? Do you confront the person and tell them that you know the truth? Or do you even care? If you don't care, the best decision would be to leave it alone. I guess it all depends on the situation...

Let's say you do care. If the truth is positive, if it makes you feel better about yourself, are you nicer to that person? But, let's talk about the latter... What if the truth is negative? Do you try to avoid that person, become their friend, or do you try to improve their view of you by changing a little? I don't think there's a right way to handle the situation, but there, sure as seasons, is a wrong way.

It's probably never a good idea to overreact to the situation. Confronting them with all kinds of accusations and I-found-out-what-you-said's is a sure way to get a negative reaction out of them. They had no idea you would find out that they said those things about you, it may be good to give them a chance to defend themselves. And, it may not be fair of them to seemingly judge your character with no foreseen consequence, but who are you to do the same to them? By overreacting aren't you slightly judging their character by what they said?

If you really want to address the situation, maybe calmly approaching the person and asking them why they said it would be best. There might be a chance you'll get a more positive response.. Maybe he/she was having a bad day and wanted to complain about someone and you just happened to come up in conversation, it could happen that they saw something they didn't quite understand, or had a bad impression of you and didn't know your true character. Hearing the person out could really help clear things up for both of you and give them a chance to apologize and maybe you can become better friends. This conversation might even lead to you defending yourself and saying things that need to be said to persuade this person that their view may have been flawed. It could also give you the opportunity take some friendly criticism on how to better handle a certain situation.

Then again, maybe the person just doesn't like you... Hey, not everyone can get along.

Image courtesy of  inanotherlifetime.wordpress.com/

Ramblings of a Grammar Nazi.

Isn't it interesting how illiterate people can be? You don't have to be a "Grammar Nazi" to appreciate a well written sentence. I'm always seeing comments on thoughtless posts on facebook about how irritating it is when the OP doesn't use proper grammar. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who gets a metaphorical brain aneurysm each time I see someone using the word 'sense' in place of the word 'since' or 'your' instead of 'you're'. And, boy, does it get under my skin a little when I see a paragraph with no capitalization, punctuation or correct spelling. Don't even get me started on people who say words incorrectly.

I'm always correcting people. I know I shouldn't, since there are points in my life when I, myself, need to be corrected. Though, I can't seem to help it. There are times when I have to breath through the urge to correct someone and just let it go.

It feels like watching a wounded bird walk away. You want to go to it, patch it up the best you can and send it on it's way to heal. But, that's never the case is it? Once you send it away, it's not grateful for the help at all. The dumb bird scratches off the bandages you, so carefully, placed upon the wound and goes on living it's life broken, bleeding, and stupid.You can only hope that there's someone else willing to help the poor bird better than you did.

I guess that would be a bit of an extreme metaphor, but you understand what I'm saying -at least I hope you do. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Challenge Accepted.

It's been quite a while since I last posted. And to be honest, I'm not putting a lot of thought into this particular post.

I don't consider myself an awesome writer and I definitely don't consider myself anywhere near an author. For me this isn't a diary for everyone to see, because I would never post my personal thoughts online. This blog is a kind of outlet for myself. Not an emotional one where I share all the drama in my life. To be perfectly forthright, I don't have anything close to drama in my life. (I'm pretty boring.) No, this is where I'm free to talk about what ever I want without being interrupted.

Growing up with two headstrong sisters and a verbal father, it was hard to get a word in. So, I became a private person. I realized that whatever I had to say, would only cause problems for me, because, like my father, I'm a straightforward person.

This is where I get to finally say what's on my mind, but, not in a way where I tell every single thought that passes through my head. (That's why we use: facebook/twitter.)

It happens like this:

Random idea: *deep British voice* Hello, darling.

Me: Well, hi! Why I haven't I thought about you?

Random idea: I haven't a clue, I'm always right here.

Me: I should write about you while you're here...

Random Idea: What an astounding revelation! But, I'll make it bloody difficult.

Me: Challenge accepted.

And that's about it. I love it when it happens out of the blue because, usually, when I try to think of something to write about I end up coming out as dry as a sponge in the desert and I end up picking the brains of other people. Then, I may not even use their ideas. I'm a little picky in that way.

Simple Flirtation

It's so simple...flirting. The eyes meet, a smile is exchanged, a heartbeat is quickened, hello's are communicated, someone blushes, one tells a joke, the other laughs, he makes himself comfortable, she looks away and twirls her hair, he rubs the back of his neck, compliments are given, and so on and so forth.

It's funny how easily it comes to us. You don't need any prior practice, lessons, or examples. It just happens. That's because it's pure human instinct...that and hormones. Our minds and hormones tell us that we are attracted to a certain person, the wish to flirt simply comes to us. (The wish? Flirtation doesn't come naturally?)No, dear reader...some people need help with flirting. There are some who are flirtation-challenged. That's the advice most people go to the internet for.(But...what did we do before that?) We asked the wonderfully worded questions, "Should I go talk to him/her?" "What should I say?" "Do you think he/she likes me?" "How's my breath?"

Before self-help books, magazine articles, newspaper columns, internet quizzes, and all that fun jazz, we merely asked friends. What else were we going to do? Yes, our desire to flirt is there, but some of us lack the skill. We go to close friends for advice because we don't want to, for lack of better terms, strike out.

If the other person shows no interest, don't worry. That's clearly not the person for you. Since the beginning of time we have been flirting, striking out, and making fools of ourselves. Yes, flirting can make some people look foolish. The best you can do with that is laugh it off and move on. (People went through that long before we did?) Look at you staying on topic!

Yes, flirting was done pretty much the same way as it's done now. With the exception of text messaging, Facebook, and the weird abundance of cheesy pick-up lines...though, I'm sure our ancestors had their share. But, it all really came down to charm. Everyone has their own way of being charming. If you find yours, congratulations. Use it and you will be just fine out in the scary world of flirtation and foolishness.

I guess the conclusion we can come to is: Times have changed, but, the foundation of our hormones will always be consistent.

Forrest Gump Was Wrong.

"Life is like a box of chocolates, ya' never know what you're gonna get."

In my opinion, this quote from the beloved classic movie, "Forrest Gump" is flawed. (How is it flawed?) I'm glad you asked.

Don't get the wrong idea, I love the movie but, a box of chocolates usually comes with a chocolate map. In which case, you would know exactly what you were getting.

Life doesn't come with a guide. We all wish it would, though. It would be nice if, when meeting someone, you could just look at a piece of paper and there it would say,"Easy to talk to," "Likes the same shows," "Talks way too much about problems," "Get's a weird tick when listening to country music,"or "Good listener...". You get my point. We don't have the aw-inspiring chocolate map of animate existence. If we did, it seems like we would be farther along in the world and there wouldn't be as many wars.

Hangin' with Friends

Nothing beats hanging out with your closest friends. Even if you get a few scratches and bruises from it.

We explored a cave. Not today. It was more like a few months ago. Anyway, normally we would just sit around inside and play games or sit around a fire and indulge ourselves in the mysterious cuisines of the refrigerator or something our parents make for us(basically anything we can find, create, or order) and s'mores. But, that day we actually decided to do something...painful. It was fun though. Afterwards, we went back to my house, watched Smallville, and ate Long John Silvers. We talked, laughed, made fun of each other, and had a good time.

To be totally and completely honest, I love my friends. The more time I spend with them the more I want to hang out with them. One of the things that some people don't understand about my friends and myself is our humor. We are always making fun of each other and giving each other a hard time. We're all very close, so we know it's a joke. Of course if something is said that is taken wrong, deep apologies are made. We try not to cross any lines in our facetious conversations. But, we can also have earnest conversations. Honesty is pretty prominent in our group and we all take things genuinely well.

When new people come into the group, they like to ease their way in. Unfortunately for them, we act like we've known them our entire lives and joke around with them like they've been there for a thousand years and we just decided to pick up on a conversation we never started. That's what I love about us.